Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Volume 2, Number 22: In Case Of Fire, Throw In

(Note: This is a re-posting of an entry I made in July 2007 on a Yahoo! GeoCities blog.)

After three straight blog entries regarding Chris Benoit, I thought I'd lighten things up with some odd thoughts that have come into my mind over the course of the past six months:

Long ago (more than 25 years ago, at least), there was a commercial for American Express Travelers Cheques that inspired me to never carry my wallet in the back pocket. It would show some pickpocket taking a wallet out of some poor soul's back pocket, after which the late Karl Malden would say, "It can happen to you, so don't carry cash, carry American Express Travelers Cheques." From the time I saw that commercial, I decided that as soon as I had a wallet, I would carry it in my front pocket. And I do. It's always the left front pocket (at the time that I got my first wallet, I was already using the right front pocket for my keys and loose change). What alarms me is that nobody I know carries his wallet in the front pocket. I don't understand why anyone would use the back pocket since a) it means they're sitting on their wallet when they sit down, and b) front pockets are less susceptible to pickpocketing because they're deeper than back pockets are.

A few months ago, while watching another Nintendo Wii commercial, I wondered if they've ever made a Kill Bill video game. (That Wii wrist strap thingy could be adapted to act as the Bride's famous samurai sword.)

Kill Bill Meets McDonald's: There's a part in Kill Bill, Volume I that could be parodied so that the Bride would go after Ronald McDonald. You could substitute cloned Hamburglars for the "Crazy 88." At the opening of the sword fight, instead of O-Ren slipping out of her slippers, you'd have Ronald stepping out of those big red clown shoes.

The funniest thing I ever read in a textbook: In middle school, I came across a textbook in which someone had scrawled, "IN CASE OF FIRE, THROW IN"

Another made-up word of mine: Yutzic - adjective used to describe actions that are consistent with those of a yutz; e.g. "Driving 45mph on a 70mph freeway is really yutzic." Synonym: Jabronious.

Is it just me, or could you also envision Rene Auberjonois (Boston Legal, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Benson) becoming the next spokesman for SmithBarney? After seeing him in Boston Legal, I think he would do a great job delivering the line, "At SmithBarney, they make money the old fashioned way: They earn it."

I love that new SoBe Coolatta commercial from Dunkin Donuts (with heavy metal music in the background that goes "Rip things in half/Break stuff in two").

I HATE that Starburst Berries & Cream commercial with that overgrown "little lad" that I wish would either be shot, blown up, chased away by a chainsaw-wielding man, whatever.

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